Happy New Year

People all around the globe will be shouting "happy new year" to one another over the next few hours.  And each one of those people have their own definition of what "happy" is to them.

For me, my happiness is directly connected to my childen's happiness. I recently read "A Christmas Wedding" by James Patterson, and while the book was kind of disappointing, there was a memorable line in it that said something like "A mother is only as happy as her saddest child." 

Thankfully, my children are not sad all that often (moody perhaps, but not necessarily sad) but there are a lot of other negative emotions or circumstances that can replace the word "saddest" for our situation. 

For me, my "happy" new year would be a year in which Vivi's seizures and all of her other challenges disappear and a year in which Julia learns to be grateful for the blessings and gifts she has - and realizes that one of those blessings is her sister.

I guess that's shooting for the stars, but what better day to do it than when knocking on the door of the new year?

I wish you all the happiness - whatever that means to you - in 2012.

Gratitude - Part 2

Buying teacher gifts has been an important part of our Christmas shopping since Julia started preschool 11 years ago.  (No worries...she did graduate and move on....)

And, for Viv, it is simply not acceptable for me to go out and buy something.  SHE needs to pick something out, which I think is very cool.

We had two try and fail shopping attempts over the weekend, with the fails being a seizure in the parking lot before we even got into the store and then a "blip" seizure (as we call them) while in the store.  Gladly, today we made it through.

That's part of my gratitude feeling for today.  But the biggest part is in the realization of just how many people we want to especially thank at her school this Christmas.  Most kids buy 1 or 2 gifts.  We needed 12.  Yes, 12.  And this is just for the people who help Vivian on a daily or weekly basis.  And this doesn't even count the librarian, gym teacher, music teacher, or art teacher.

While I wish that Vivian didn't need assistance from so many people, wow am I glad that each and every one of these people are in our lives.

Big-time gratitude.

And this is where I wish I was rich and could send each and every one of them on a fabulous Caribbean vacation for a week as a gift, because they deserve even more than that.

But instead, most will simply receive my heartfelt thanks and small token of appreciation, and the three people most close to Viv will receive something specially picked out by her.  Which I actually approved of and didn't have to use any of my power of persuasion for. 

So, God, I've been trying to say thank you more and realize the blessings we have in our lives.  Today, I say thank you for the angels at Rothschild Elementary.  And if they could just create a 6th grade at the school before next year, that would be great.

Nostalgia

I’m very nostalgic.  Those of you who know me well are probably saying “No shit” right about now.  (Hey, it’s my blog and I’ll swear if I want to.)  (Feel free to sing along.)

And the perfect time for nostalgia?  Christmas.  I just started pulling out some of the Christmas décor and happened upon a candle that I took, I mean that my mom gave me, some time ago that was in our house growing up for as long as I remember.  It’s a frosted glass pillar holder with a country Christmas scene.  I guard that thing with my life.  I don’t know how old it is, who my mom got it from, or anything about it, but I know that it symbolizes Christmas for me, and for that reason, I hold it very dear.

Another nostalgic moment….a couple months ago, I was at Hallmark staring at this years’ commemorative ornaments and they had a – YES! – a Fisher Price tick-tock clock.  And they only had one left.  I love the tick tock clock so much that I bought a plastic replica from Target last year since my mom will not give me the wooden original she has because it’s apparently my brother’s.  Yeah right.  Even if it is his, who loves it more?  Huh?  Me.  (Deep breath…)  Anyway…I call my mom all in a flutter because there’s just ONE left and I have every intention of buying it so she can give it to me.  As I finish telling her all about this find of the century she simply tells me “Well, if you buy it, you’ll have two, because I already bought it for you.”  (As an aside, now my brother wants one.  And they’re out of stock.  Everywhere in the state.  Ha – too bad Jason. Although my mom does have plans to go to the Rothschild Hallmark on the day they sell the display.  Little does she know that I’ll be getting there first.)

OK, so I’m also possessive about my nostalgia.

The big nostalgia moment of Christmas, though, will come next weekend with the Christmas tree.  You think I’m neurotic now, you should come Christmas tree shopping with me!  But you can’t deny that I chose a legendary tree every year…and someday when I have vaulted ceilings in my home it’ll be even more fun.  But neurosis aside, my favorite thing about the tree will be all of the ornaments that go on it.  Just about every ornament that goes on our tree has a story.  The pregnant kangaroo for the Christmas we were expecting Julia.  Vivi’s silver cup ornament for the year she was born.  Julia’s fairy ornament with the glowing icicle. The wooden reindeer ornament that’s now missing a leg and has many bite marks (thank you, Harvey).  Many, many dough ornaments with (at first) two names…then three…then four.  The Packer and Bear ornaments that the kids (and I) always put on the back of the tree.  And the list goes on.  It takes a looooong time to decorate the tree because the girls and I relive memories with every one.  (Mike does the lights and then makes excuses to leave the room while we do this.)

OK, I just read what I wrote up until this point, and apparently I am a nut job.  Perhaps, but I’m a well-intentioned, nostalgic nut job. 

And I’m OK with that.

Milestones

When we are younger, we look forward to the magic age of 13.  Then to 16.  Then to 18.  Then to 21.

Then we start dreading the next group of milestones....30, 40, 50....

It makes me remember a moment in college when a beautiful friend of mine went into a MAJOR slump after 21 because "there was nothing to look forward to anymore."  Funny to think back on this now as her life is filled with blessings at 39.  Sometimes at 22 it's hard to see all that will all be possible.

Today is my Dad's birthday.  I called him this morning to wish him a happy day, and we joked about the "later life" milestones of 55 (when you can get 10% off at IGA on Tuesdays), 62 when you can get Social Security (well, at least he can), and now 65 when he's "officially old now" (his words, not mine.)  I told him that the next biggie he'll have to look forward to is 100.  Which made him laugh...but you never know...after all, even at 65 it can be hard to see what's possible.

So, happy birthday, Dad.  Happy day to everyone, because no matter what, even if it's not your birthday, each day is special and a potential turning point in it's own right.  In the words of another great friend, "Take it.  Claim it.  Make it your own." 

And enjoy!

Gratitude

Before Vivian’s health challenges, I didn’t give much thought about gratitude.

Now don’t get me wrong, I know I was thankful for many things; however, I also know that I didn’t give it much conscious thought on a daily basis.

I don’t know why it took adversity for me to truly feel appreciation and gratitude.  Perhaps that just human nature. 

I do know this.  I’m grateful every moment of every day for many things now.

Thanksgiving isn't just a holiday, it's a state of mind...something to live each day of the year.

Second Families

Yesterday, Vivian's friend, Lydia, referred to us as her "second family."

This made me smile inside and out.  I frequently refer to Lydia as our "angel on Earth" as she has shown Vivian a special, easygoing, and understanding friendship.  As Vivian doesn't get to enjoy too much independence, Lydia often becomes one of the family when she's over...a role she fits into perfectly.

As Viv, Lydia and I played a game of Wii (mostly in an attempt to keep Vivian awake until we went to pick Julia up from ice skating), the phone rang.  Lydia answered it, and then handed it over to me with a giggle and a "I don't know who it is!"  It was my friend Kristen's mom, Charlene.

Shortly after a very, very nice conversation (all while playing Wii, mind you!) it occurred to me that the Stark family is MY second family.  My girls call my friend Kristen "Auntie Krissy" and I'm "Auntie Jenny" to her girls.  I love that.

As I look forward to Thanksgiving, I'm thrilled because we'll be joined by my friend Leigha and her family.  Another smile crosses my face because Leigha's three beautiful children know my parents as "Granny and Papa," an honor I know my parents are tickled to have.   

I am blessed by a very close and loving family...some of them I'm related to, and some of them I'm not.  And I think it's wonderful that it's not what we look like or what our last names are that bonds us, it's what's in our hearts.

Balance

This past Tuesday, I turned in my letter of resignation to the credit union.  On Wednesday, I officially became a freelance writer, with my first client being the credit union.

Let me back up a bit.

Vivian's health situation has undoubtedly caused a great upheaval in our lives.  However, thanks to the amazing support we receive from family, friends, school and work, we've been able to balance things pretty well.  Up until recently anyway.

While there are many things we "can" do (as indicated in my previous post) most of us will hit a time in our lives when we feel push has come to shove and we realize we need to make a change in order to make things better.

This is one of those times for me.

My new status as freelancer will enable to me to continue to write for the credit union but do so with an incredible amount of flexibility.  Plus, the reduced hours will be a blessing and will also, hopefully, give me a chance to explore other writing opportunities.  Something I definitely look forward to.

I know that I am incredibly fortunate to be able to do this.  God has not only given me the talents I possess, but he's also surrounded me with people to help me realize them.

Right away on Wednesday, Vivi had a tough morning which forced me to have to re-balance our morning schedule.  It was wonderful to be able to focus solely on her.  I am so grateful to the wonderful people at the credit union for making it possible for me to do this.

In life, we have to balance many things.  The key is knowing when to throw out our hands or lean one way or another in order to stay upright. 

So I guess I just metaphorically threw out my hands.  And it's really exciting to be able to move forward with better balance...until I need to adjust again.

The Sensitive Type

On Friday night, I went out for a couple hours (a rarity for me) to see a movie with my friend, Jennifer. 

Tower Heist - who can resist a movie with Eddie Murphy as a hoodlum (glad he's back to roles like that) Ferris Bueller, I mean, Matthew Broderick, Ben Stiller, Alan Alda, and a couple other great actors?  Apparently not me.  The movie was really good - and it felt good to laugh.  But what has stayed with me was not the joy of the time out or the laughs that were had but the handful of references the Eddie Murphy character made to the Ben Stiller character as they remembered their youth and time together at a certain daycare. 

Little seizure boy.  That's how the Eddie Murphy character remembers Ben Stiller's character.  And he goes on to say the reason he didn't have any friends was because of his seizures.

I found myself doing some serious deep breathing during that couple minute exchange.  I got caught between thinking "What the hell were they thinking having this conversation in a movie?"  "Didn't ANYONE in the editing process think this was a bad idea?" To "Am I being too sensitive?"

I don't think I was.  I think it's terrible that the movie had that part in there.  Apparently, I'm not alone in my thoughts because if you Google "tower heist seizure boy" you get a BUNCH of references to outrage others have felt as a result of these comments as well as an apology from the director.  An online article by ABC News captured the feelings of others like me very well:
http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/entertainment/2011/09/one-actor-not-laughing-at-tower-heist-trailer/

It all comes down to responsibility and respect.  Thinking of others and their feelings before we act or speak...no matter if our actions and words reach one person or millions.

Seizures are no laughing matter...no medical condition is.  We've come a long way as a society, but it's obvious we have further to go. 

I hope that everyone reading this helps us get there.

Be All You Can Be

Earlier today, this old US Army slogan popped into my head.

Be All You Can Be.

Not be more than you can be.  Not be what other people want you to be.  Not be what you thought you might be if the situation was different.

Being all you can be is all about embracing the now.  Living as best as you can right this very moment without thoughts of the woulds, coulds and shoulds. 

We're doing that a lot lately here. 

It's actually a hard thing to do as a parent, because as parents, we want the best for our children.  But then that brings up a good question: what IS "best?"  I think we are trained to think of "best" as the same as "more," but it's not. 

On Thursday, Mike and I had a meeting with 7 spectacular people from Vivian's school.  We're at a point again where we need to make some changes to better accomodate her needs - which practically change by the minute (no exaggeration there).  About half way through our 2-hour meeting it occurred to me that while maybe not externally, I've been pushing - been wanting more for Viv than is reasonable right now.  I've been so afraid that doing anything less would be settling or not giving her access to all of those experiences I've wanted her to have. 

I'm very in tune with Vivian and know what she's capable of.  But those capabilities are very much at the mercy of her health, and the more we can go with the flow and focus on the "cans" of the moment, the more successful she'll be and the happier she'll be.  And when you're 11 and plagued by terrible seizures, powerful OCD, tiredness, and other various yucky stuff, happiness means a lot.

And couldn't we all use a bit more happy?

Always In Search of a New Treat

I think we all know it deep down, but one doesn't realize just HOW MUCH food and holidays go together until, let's say, their child is on a special diet that doesn't allow them to partake in the yummy part of the celebration.

Halloween of course is no exception.  Heck, it may even be the rule.  When you're young, trick or treating is the coolest, and it's not whipping cream and sticks of butter people give out, it's (of course) candy candy candy.

Last year, with the help of some very special friends, family and neighbors, I arranged a kind of Halloween treasure hunt for Vivian and her friend, Sarah.  The girls had great fun, and while I thought about doing that this year, it's wasn't the option that Vivian chose in the end.

Interject funny story.......OK, so many dentists in our area do a "candy buy back" sometime this coming week where kids can come in and get $1 for every pound of candy they "donate" to the dentist.  Most dentists are then sending the candy overseas to soldiers fighting in the war.

Well, I thought Vivi would be all over this.  She loves nothing more than doing things for others.  However, when I presented this idea to her, she became very thoughtful and said "no."  When I asked her why not, she said that soldiers who are fighting in the war need to be strong and healthy, and that candy would not help with that.  Further, since they're not used to getting candy, they could overindulge (and then there was a reference to her sister) and get sick. 

No amount of reasoning could get her to see past this, so sorry soldiers...no candy from Vivian for you.  Of course she did talk about sending a picture she will draw instead.

After many options were both placed on the table and knocked off of it, Vivian has decided that she will sell her candy to her Granny for 10 cents a piece.  Granny can do what she wants with the candy (probably sent it to soldiers) and Vivian can do what she wants with her money (probably put it in her piggy bank). 

Trick or treating is tonight, yes, a day earlier than Halloween, but as a working parent with a child who has a shortened day at school, I'm OK with that. 

Can't wait to see how much her bill to Granny is.

Accepting vs. Embracing

Vivian had a pretty tough seizure this morning.  She got through it thanks to God's continual blessing of determination and is now resting peacefully.

I'm always mad after she has a seizure.  But today even more so, because she was feeling so good (even she said so) right before...and coming up with lyrics to a song - and then singing them.....all at 6 in the morning. 

I delighted in watching her put together her song, quitely encouraging, but as I've learned, observing from a distance.  Can't rush these creative types.

"Hey honey hey honey hold on tight.  Everything is gonna be all right tonight."

Is it like she knew?  And yes, I sang her those lyrics over and over as she came out of her seizure, hoping they'd give us both strength.

And as I laid next to her after the seizure was long gone, something popped into my head.

We're often encouraged to be accepting of people with "differences" or "challenges."  But the more I think about it, that's crap.

We should be doing better, doing more than that.  We should be embracing those differences.

I recently started reading a blog by a mom whose son has cerebral palsy, brought on by a stroke he suffered right after birth.  Like any parent with a special needs child, this mom has gone through the gammut of emotions, and they have lead her to the realization that we need to focus more on what God has given us and less on what we feel that he has taken away.

With our society as it is, this is hard.  We compare ourselves so much to one another that we forget to look at those unique qualities that make each of us shine.

Sure, Vivian can't run as fast as other kids, but when we walk through the gates of heaven someday, is that how we're going to be judged?  I don't think Father Al has ever alluded to that in any of his sermons on Sunday morning. 

We're going to be judged by the size of our hearts and how we use that heart to benefit others.  Vivian has the biggest heart of anyone I know. 

So when we catch ourselves teaching or practicing acceptance - stop, and look further.  Do better.  Embrace.

And then celebrate.